I want to draw attention to my friend Rachel’s excellent post entitled My Carefully Calibrated Difference on her personal blog. http://rachelstanton.wordpress.com/ I really identify with her thoughts about identification with the ‘other’ and the internal struggle coinciding with it.
As we talk more with others about this church community we are preparing to form we get some interesting responses. At the suggestion that we desire to be a church of and among the poor, a few people have expressed their fear that we are making ourselves vulnerable to be victims of crime – even exposing our daughter to be raped! One well-meaning gentleman pulled me aside on two occasions to warn me about the way “those people” think and behave. One person suggested that if we have any home meetings, we should have them in the garage so that none of “those people” see our belongings and come back later to steal them.
It’s fine and noble that we want to help “those people,” but we should be careful not to expose ourselves or be too vulnerable. And we need to keep the invisible boundaries of superiority in place at all times. At least – this is the message so many communicate to us.
As we struggle to work out the implications of identification, which we readily concede to be a process barely begun within us and which we know to be impossible but for the grace of God, the warnings of our middle class friends only help us to see our own hypocrisy and strengthen our resolve to press on. The Church needs to be reconciled within itself among the rich, the poor, and the middle classes who look at one another across economic divides with suspicion and pride. We humbly pray for the grace to be an agent of that reconciliation.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Clash of (parenting) Values
I met a home-school mom the other day. She explained to me that her kids asked to go to public school one year, and she let them so they could “learn their lesson.” Sure enough, they were begging to be back home with mom by the end of the year. She said her primary objection to public school is not the quality of the education (which surprised me), but rather the quality of the other children. She went on about how terrible the kids were, visibly shuddering as she described their need for decent parenting. She doesn’t want her kids subjected to them.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against home-schooling and I think it’s a great option for lots of families for a variety of reasons. I just don’t share this woman’s reasoning. at all.
The elementary school this mom referred to is located in an area with a large population of low-income families. It is the same school my daughter attended – and loved – for six years. Maria always had lots of friends from homes with various disadvantages. Sometimes these kids have been mean and inappropriate, and Maria has had to cope with that. So I don’t doubt the basic observations of this home-schooling mom.
Her philosophy is that all those heathen kids might corrupt or harm her kids, and that her nice Christian children should be protected from them.
My philosophy has always been that my daughter will have to live in this world – for better or worse – all her life. The sooner she learns how to navigate relationships with diverse people of different beliefs, family cultures, and values, the better. I believe it’s better for her to experience occasional pain in social situations, and then learn how to navigate it, than it would be for her to avoid social pain by isolation. It’s better for her to see how others live and be able to contrast our values and beliefs with others as she is developing rather than be exposed to the world all at once when she hits college. But the most important difference between our practices is that I believe all those other “bad” kids aren’t bad. They are just kids who need to be loved, and who have something to offer us as well as we to them.
This means my daughter has friends who come from homes where abuse, addiction, neglect and even violence are daily realities. We can’t change their realities, but we can open our hearts to them, offer them true hospitality, and love them with the love of Christ. They have enriched our lives probably more than we’ve enriched theirs.
How could we follow in the footsteps of Jesus while bunkering down in our houses trying to avoid contamination?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against home-schooling and I think it’s a great option for lots of families for a variety of reasons. I just don’t share this woman’s reasoning. at all.
The elementary school this mom referred to is located in an area with a large population of low-income families. It is the same school my daughter attended – and loved – for six years. Maria always had lots of friends from homes with various disadvantages. Sometimes these kids have been mean and inappropriate, and Maria has had to cope with that. So I don’t doubt the basic observations of this home-schooling mom.
Her philosophy is that all those heathen kids might corrupt or harm her kids, and that her nice Christian children should be protected from them.
My philosophy has always been that my daughter will have to live in this world – for better or worse – all her life. The sooner she learns how to navigate relationships with diverse people of different beliefs, family cultures, and values, the better. I believe it’s better for her to experience occasional pain in social situations, and then learn how to navigate it, than it would be for her to avoid social pain by isolation. It’s better for her to see how others live and be able to contrast our values and beliefs with others as she is developing rather than be exposed to the world all at once when she hits college. But the most important difference between our practices is that I believe all those other “bad” kids aren’t bad. They are just kids who need to be loved, and who have something to offer us as well as we to them.
This means my daughter has friends who come from homes where abuse, addiction, neglect and even violence are daily realities. We can’t change their realities, but we can open our hearts to them, offer them true hospitality, and love them with the love of Christ. They have enriched our lives probably more than we’ve enriched theirs.
How could we follow in the footsteps of Jesus while bunkering down in our houses trying to avoid contamination?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Seasons Change
My husband and I took a walk with Charlie last evening down by the river. It was one of those days when it’s still sunny and a bit hot, but if you’re paying attention you can tell that Fall is coming. Summer blackberries are ripe for picking and it still feels great in shorts. But there are already early Fall leaves crunching under our feet where the path moves under the trees. The season is changing.When summer turns into Fall each year I feel this mixture of emotions. Summer is never quite long enough. We didn’t go on all the hikes we wanted to, or make it to the beach nearly enough. We didn’t get out and walk these lovely paths near our house as often as we wished. And there are projects around the house that we didn’t quite finish. As a person who is perpetually chilly, I love the heat. So there is always a bit of grief knowing that Summer is about to move to the back of the line in the cycle of changing seasons.
But I also feel a pleasant anticipation for Fall. The part of me that is ready to return to a schedule, that enjoys school and studying, that loves the coziness of a warm sweater and a hot cup of coffee on a chilly day, and the stunning beauty of nature’s soon-coming color show.
The change in seasons is also marking another transition for our family this year. Sunday marks our farewell celebration from the church where we have been. Josh is leaving his full-time job next week in order to do freelance graphic design from home part-time. The time has finally come for us to turn our attention and energy to the creation of a new faith community – something we’ve dreamed of together since the first few weeks of our relationship.
There is some appropriate grief for the season we are leaving behind - our time at a church with people we love and appreciate, the safety of being in "preparation," the security of one of our regular paychecks, the rhythm of life we're used to. But there is also great anticipation for a new season with its challenges, risks, joys, trials, and opportunities for making a difference in our community.
Blind Spots in the Emerging Church?
In a seminary class on reconciliation, another student gave an excellent presentation pertaining to the Millennials - the generation coming up quickly behind Gen X. In the midst of his very compelling report he commented as an aside that the emerging church isn't cutting it with this generation. He said the emerging church is mainly for Gen Xers and Boomers, and they don't seem to be having many conversations about the younger people just behind them who are distinct from them in many significant ways, and who are largely being missed by the church.
I've been pondering that observation and wondering just how true it is. I can certainly think of a few exceptions. But I think he might have a very good point. It appears that the EC is having some conversations about what to do with their children, now that they are growing and having families and finding existing, traditional models of discipleship with children to be inadequate. But what about the gap between the parents and the young children? Where are the Millennials in the emerging church? I'd love to hear from people on this subject.
As we prepare for planting what we hope will be a multi-class church, I've been keeping my eyes open for emerging churches who are involved in doing ministry with the poor as multi-class congregations. There is no doubt that the EC generally has a strong social conscience - caring about creation, AIDS, and global poverty. But how many have reached beyond the limits of charity to be churches of and with the poor? Again, I can think of a couple of exceptions. But for the most part, the EC generally appears to be a movement of middle class folks who do more charity than justice - at least on the local level.
I know there are some fabulous exceptions in the EC world to both of these observations. But what do you think? Do we have some blind spots in these areas?
I've been pondering that observation and wondering just how true it is. I can certainly think of a few exceptions. But I think he might have a very good point. It appears that the EC is having some conversations about what to do with their children, now that they are growing and having families and finding existing, traditional models of discipleship with children to be inadequate. But what about the gap between the parents and the young children? Where are the Millennials in the emerging church? I'd love to hear from people on this subject.
As we prepare for planting what we hope will be a multi-class church, I've been keeping my eyes open for emerging churches who are involved in doing ministry with the poor as multi-class congregations. There is no doubt that the EC generally has a strong social conscience - caring about creation, AIDS, and global poverty. But how many have reached beyond the limits of charity to be churches of and with the poor? Again, I can think of a couple of exceptions. But for the most part, the EC generally appears to be a movement of middle class folks who do more charity than justice - at least on the local level.
I know there are some fabulous exceptions in the EC world to both of these observations. But what do you think? Do we have some blind spots in these areas?
Friday, June 15, 2007
Learning from Charlie
Last weekend my family adopted a dog from the county pound. Charlie is a beautiful lab mutt, with perhaps a dash of Retriever or Aussie. He is settling in nicely with our family and is proving to be a wonderful dog. But Charlie has one very strong trait – fear. The pound was such a traumatic place for him that he refused to leave his kennel voluntarily. While he warmed up to us right away, he continued to tremble with fear at each new thing. He had to be coaxed into the car, into the house, out of the house, and into any other room besides the living room. He cowers when we pass other people or dogs on the sidewalk. We don’t know his history, but there’s a very good chance that our sweet Charlie has experienced some abuse. And even though he’s safe and loved and in a caring home now, it is going to take a long time to get over those fears and learned behaviors. He might never fully get over them.
I have to admit that I really identify with Charlie. The most painful experiences of my past have left me with deep, irrational fears that lurk in places too deep to root out easily. I keep a pretty good poker face most of the time, but inside I cower and cringe and tremble on a regular basis. There are times when I want to hide my head in the pillow the way Charlie hides his face in my lap. I know that I’m safe, that I’m loved, and that I’m home. But some fears stubbornly remain.
I don’t think I’m unique in this experience. We are all formed by our past – especially by the events of our childhoods. If our trust was violated at a young age by neglect, abuse, abandonment, betrayal, or death, it can shape the very way we understand the world and all that we come to expect of it. If later events reinforce those fears (and sometimes our fearful behavior can help create repetition of those experiences), healing and freedom are even harder to come by. Often we take our fears into our relationship with God – the place where we are in fact completely safe and completely loved. Like Charlie with his new family, we cringe and cower and duck away from the loving and gentle hand of God that reaches out to care for us.
So how do we heal? Just as Charlie is noticeably more at ease after just a few days with us, I think that healing begins when we open ourselves to relationships that are loving and safe – both with others and with God. When we have experiences that dis-prove our fears, trust begins to grow there. Sometimes though, we need more than this. We need a transformation that is a healing gift of God’s grace. I think this comes to each person differently, as we journey with God. I've experienced that beautiful grace before, and as I pet Charlie's soft head I am filled with hope for all of us who are in need of God's healing care.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
GUEST POST: Not Another Starbucks...A Church by Josh Clark
I was recently viewing a website - I'm a Graphic designer by day, M.Div student by night - and I came across a church plant website that was planning on starting in September. It had that "emerging" feel (whatever that is) and so I read a bit closer. They are planning on meeting in a movie theater on Sunday mornings. The web site begins with the question, "When did church become so boring?" Interesting, I thought. It then made the suggestion that few of us like being bored, and that church has become fundamentally boring and that's why people don't want to go to it. This got my wheels turning some more.
There is a perception in the world of Evangenerica (Karlene's made up term) that in order for the Church to succeed and the Gospel to win, then the bearer of the Gospel - that is, the Evangel, and as a body, the Church - must become 'relevant' to society. Oftentimes "relevance" becomes synonymous with "entertaining." What can we do to get more butts in the seats? We get caught in conversation about whether the music is loud enough, or the lights bright enough. Or even, do we have the right glam? American evangelism has become a lot like remodeling a McDonald's. Generally, after about 10 years someone notices that the plastic seat covers are out of style, so they put together a committee of people to implement remodeling in all of their stores just in time to see the styles change once more. There are two problems here: (1) the remodel always comes too late, and (2) even with the remodel they're still serving the same crappy food!
So, we start meeting in movie theaters instead of Churches (or 'Worship Centers' as they've come to be called). We wear street clothes, and serve Starbucks, while playing Rock 'n Roll through our $100,000 sound systems. We start throwing a swear word or two into our daily vocabulary just to fit in (yeah, we're rebels). Yet, relevance should, and does, mean more than simply being more entertaining than we used to be. Church is about more than keeping people from boredom.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this is about music style. What I am saying is that the relevance of the Church is the Gospel of Jesus Christ! It does not live in church models, or music, or mochas. The hope and message of Jesus Christ is the food which we find nourishment and life sustainment on. Yet oftentimes we minimize it in order to be more in tune with culture. I believe that Jesus' message is relevant as read in the gospels. With a world suffering from poverty and war; striking disparity between rich and poor; homelessness, abuse, addiction, brokenness the counter-cultural message of Jesus teaches us a better way to live our lives. It is in Jesus' counter-cultural message that the Church will find relevance in a hurting and broken world. Jesus' message of love, even to the point of laying his life down for the one's he called friends, is more relevant than we can possibly imagine. We must triumph Christ's love boldly, being unashamed of his message of peace, love, compassion, and grace once more. This is our only hope in a world that already has a enough Starbucks.
There is a perception in the world of Evangenerica (Karlene's made up term) that in order for the Church to succeed and the Gospel to win, then the bearer of the Gospel - that is, the Evangel, and as a body, the Church - must become 'relevant' to society. Oftentimes "relevance" becomes synonymous with "entertaining." What can we do to get more butts in the seats? We get caught in conversation about whether the music is loud enough, or the lights bright enough. Or even, do we have the right glam? American evangelism has become a lot like remodeling a McDonald's. Generally, after about 10 years someone notices that the plastic seat covers are out of style, so they put together a committee of people to implement remodeling in all of their stores just in time to see the styles change once more. There are two problems here: (1) the remodel always comes too late, and (2) even with the remodel they're still serving the same crappy food!
So, we start meeting in movie theaters instead of Churches (or 'Worship Centers' as they've come to be called). We wear street clothes, and serve Starbucks, while playing Rock 'n Roll through our $100,000 sound systems. We start throwing a swear word or two into our daily vocabulary just to fit in (yeah, we're rebels). Yet, relevance should, and does, mean more than simply being more entertaining than we used to be. Church is about more than keeping people from boredom.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this is about music style. What I am saying is that the relevance of the Church is the Gospel of Jesus Christ! It does not live in church models, or music, or mochas. The hope and message of Jesus Christ is the food which we find nourishment and life sustainment on. Yet oftentimes we minimize it in order to be more in tune with culture. I believe that Jesus' message is relevant as read in the gospels. With a world suffering from poverty and war; striking disparity between rich and poor; homelessness, abuse, addiction, brokenness the counter-cultural message of Jesus teaches us a better way to live our lives. It is in Jesus' counter-cultural message that the Church will find relevance in a hurting and broken world. Jesus' message of love, even to the point of laying his life down for the one's he called friends, is more relevant than we can possibly imagine. We must triumph Christ's love boldly, being unashamed of his message of peace, love, compassion, and grace once more. This is our only hope in a world that already has a enough Starbucks.
Monday, June 04, 2007
French Fries and the Tension Between Freedom and Responsibility in Community
The other day we went out with some friends for ice cream. I ordered a sundae with hot fudge and caramel, my husband and daughter each ordered a blizzard. And two of our friends got a large order of hot fries with their ice cream. I wasn’t really hungry, but the entire time we were there the sight and smell of those fries was distracting me. It was all I could do to keep from ordering some for myself even though they were the last thing I needed.
I tell this story to preface some thoughts that have been stirring in my head about the place of alcohol in Christian community. Like many people I know, I was raised in the ‘all drinking is SIN’ branch of the faith and, also like many people I know, have rejected that stance for its un-biblical and un-reasonable position. Among those who condemn all drinking, I will staunchly argue against their position. But I’m feeling uneasy about a growing trend that I’ve observed in the emerging church at large, but also among my own friends – emerging or not. When shots of Jager were offered at a gathering among Christian friends recently, it really gave me pause to think. There’s just a lot of drinking going on these days, and I’m not always sure how to feel about it – especially because I am related to quite a few addicts and people with genetic predispositions for addiction, including my own daughter. I also hope that the church we are preparing to plant will be equipped for ministry among people dealing with addiction. A fellow student at my seminary has told of seeing young adults he knows developing alcoholism after becoming Christians as a result of sitting around talking about God with the beers flowing among Christian friends.
And so I am conflicted about the role and place of alcohol within the church. The power of distraction that those French fries had over me the other evening is nothing by comparison to someone struggling with sobriety in a social setting where people are drinking. Can a community that accepts a lot of social drinking be a safe place for people in recovery? I’m sure most would say that they would refrain from drinking around someone they knew to be a recovering alcoholic. But what about those among us who are addicts in denial? And what about those among us who are addicts in the making? Until we are already trapped, we all tend to carry around a sense of personal immunity to addiction. But for many people, addictions wait to manifest themselves until mid-life and it’s not easy to predict who may be susceptible.
So there is this great tension between personal freedom and social responsibility in community. I don’t know how to resolve this tension. I will not make this black-and-white when it is a gradient issue. But I think we need to be talking about this and wrestling with it, rather than running with our freedom to drink down a road with an unknown destination. Your thoughts?
I tell this story to preface some thoughts that have been stirring in my head about the place of alcohol in Christian community. Like many people I know, I was raised in the ‘all drinking is SIN’ branch of the faith and, also like many people I know, have rejected that stance for its un-biblical and un-reasonable position. Among those who condemn all drinking, I will staunchly argue against their position. But I’m feeling uneasy about a growing trend that I’ve observed in the emerging church at large, but also among my own friends – emerging or not. When shots of Jager were offered at a gathering among Christian friends recently, it really gave me pause to think. There’s just a lot of drinking going on these days, and I’m not always sure how to feel about it – especially because I am related to quite a few addicts and people with genetic predispositions for addiction, including my own daughter. I also hope that the church we are preparing to plant will be equipped for ministry among people dealing with addiction. A fellow student at my seminary has told of seeing young adults he knows developing alcoholism after becoming Christians as a result of sitting around talking about God with the beers flowing among Christian friends.
And so I am conflicted about the role and place of alcohol within the church. The power of distraction that those French fries had over me the other evening is nothing by comparison to someone struggling with sobriety in a social setting where people are drinking. Can a community that accepts a lot of social drinking be a safe place for people in recovery? I’m sure most would say that they would refrain from drinking around someone they knew to be a recovering alcoholic. But what about those among us who are addicts in denial? And what about those among us who are addicts in the making? Until we are already trapped, we all tend to carry around a sense of personal immunity to addiction. But for many people, addictions wait to manifest themselves until mid-life and it’s not easy to predict who may be susceptible.
So there is this great tension between personal freedom and social responsibility in community. I don’t know how to resolve this tension. I will not make this black-and-white when it is a gradient issue. But I think we need to be talking about this and wrestling with it, rather than running with our freedom to drink down a road with an unknown destination. Your thoughts?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Rich, Young American Christian
I've been haunted for some time now by the story of the Rich Young Ruler. This morning the story showed up again in the podcast I listen to each morning (pray-as-you-go out of the UK). Basically, this very sincere, earnest, wealthy young man throws himself at the feet of Jesus. He desires eternal life and he has spent his entire life doing all the right things. Still, he senses he is missing something and he thinks Jesus may know what that is. Jesus does know, and tells the man that he lacks only one thing - he needs to sell all his possessions and give them to the poor, then come and follow Jesus. The young man is deeply grieved and he turns and walks away.
This command is such a hard one. Who wants to give up their possessions? Jesus follows it by explaining to his disciples how hard it is for the wealthy to enter the Kingdom of God. It almost seems cruel - this sincere, obedient, earnest and good man is told that he has to give up everything he owns in order to get what he says he really wants. This morning I was struck by a line right in the middle of the story.
Jesus looked on this man and loved him.
It wasn't because Jesus was cruel that he issued this instruction. It was out of his love. I wonder if the man realized that. He was torn between all his many possessions and the love of Jesus.
As I said, this passage haunts me. We're not wealthy by American standards, but we certainly are by world standards. And when I think about ministry with the poor that we are feeling pulled toward, I know it will require sacrifices, including possessions. We're really earnest and sincere and here we are asking Jesus, not without some trepidation, "what do you want us to do?" And we are holding our breath to hear what it is Jesus might say to us. Will we follow? Or will we go away grieving?
This command is such a hard one. Who wants to give up their possessions? Jesus follows it by explaining to his disciples how hard it is for the wealthy to enter the Kingdom of God. It almost seems cruel - this sincere, obedient, earnest and good man is told that he has to give up everything he owns in order to get what he says he really wants. This morning I was struck by a line right in the middle of the story.
Jesus looked on this man and loved him.
It wasn't because Jesus was cruel that he issued this instruction. It was out of his love. I wonder if the man realized that. He was torn between all his many possessions and the love of Jesus.
As I said, this passage haunts me. We're not wealthy by American standards, but we certainly are by world standards. And when I think about ministry with the poor that we are feeling pulled toward, I know it will require sacrifices, including possessions. We're really earnest and sincere and here we are asking Jesus, not without some trepidation, "what do you want us to do?" And we are holding our breath to hear what it is Jesus might say to us. Will we follow? Or will we go away grieving?
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Thoughts on Feminism
Josh relayed a story last night that has me contemplating what in the world happened to the feminist movement. A woman in his office was talking about a book she recently read by a radio talk show host that was all about how wives are supposed to stay home and take care of their husbands. She shared how she got a friend of hers to read it who has now quit her job in order to make waiting on her husband her life's work. My feminist husband could barely keep from gagging.
I have a book that once belonged to my mother when she was a pastor's wife called Fascinating Womanhood. Sadly, this stuff is still alive and kicking. http://www.fascinatingwomanhood.net/ I think it should more aptly be named Manipulative Womanhood after reading it. Parts of it are so absurd as to be almost hilarious and parts of it are just sick (like when the author suggests wives should dress like little girls and model their own fashions after what they find in the little girls' section of the store - creepy!). The word "superior" is used repeatedly in reference to men . Wives are encouraged to pretend they are weak and stupid in order to make their husbands feel strong and smart and manly. :::insert puking noises here::: It seems to me like this book should be a relic of a sad past when women were oppressed and shoved into narrowly defined gender roles alongside their husband's narrowly defined gender roles. But conversations like the one my husband had with his coworker show just how prevalent these ideas still remain, in re-mixed form.
Something happened to feminism and it doesn't seem to be very popular anymore. Even in "progressive" circles, the sexual objectification of women is rampant and women's power is often linked with her ability to use her sexuality - something that is inherently degrading but openly embraced anyway. Rather than women being liberated from sexual objectification, it seems like men are increasingly becoming objectified in a similar manner to the dehumanization and degradation of all. It's not that there has been no progress in recent decades. But the trajectory toward true equality and liberation seems a bit stalled out at the moment.
I could speculate all day as to the why's and how's of all this. But I really hope that we see another shift in our culture - not just in the direction of equality, but also in the direction of human dignity. Feminism in its best form isn't so much about women as it is about the dignity and equality of everyone and the freedom to live beyond the confines of errantly imposed roles and expectations. It should liberate women and men to be the best version of themselves they can be, for the good of all.
I have a book that once belonged to my mother when she was a pastor's wife called Fascinating Womanhood. Sadly, this stuff is still alive and kicking. http://www.fascinatingwomanhood.net/ I think it should more aptly be named Manipulative Womanhood after reading it. Parts of it are so absurd as to be almost hilarious and parts of it are just sick (like when the author suggests wives should dress like little girls and model their own fashions after what they find in the little girls' section of the store - creepy!). The word "superior" is used repeatedly in reference to men . Wives are encouraged to pretend they are weak and stupid in order to make their husbands feel strong and smart and manly. :::insert puking noises here::: It seems to me like this book should be a relic of a sad past when women were oppressed and shoved into narrowly defined gender roles alongside their husband's narrowly defined gender roles. But conversations like the one my husband had with his coworker show just how prevalent these ideas still remain, in re-mixed form.
Something happened to feminism and it doesn't seem to be very popular anymore. Even in "progressive" circles, the sexual objectification of women is rampant and women's power is often linked with her ability to use her sexuality - something that is inherently degrading but openly embraced anyway. Rather than women being liberated from sexual objectification, it seems like men are increasingly becoming objectified in a similar manner to the dehumanization and degradation of all. It's not that there has been no progress in recent decades. But the trajectory toward true equality and liberation seems a bit stalled out at the moment.
I could speculate all day as to the why's and how's of all this. But I really hope that we see another shift in our culture - not just in the direction of equality, but also in the direction of human dignity. Feminism in its best form isn't so much about women as it is about the dignity and equality of everyone and the freedom to live beyond the confines of errantly imposed roles and expectations. It should liberate women and men to be the best version of themselves they can be, for the good of all.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Toe Shoes and Soccer Cleats
This week required a purchase of soccer cleats for my daughter. While preparing to transport her between activities today, I was reminded of another recent shoe purchase for her – ballet toe shoes. I was struck today with the contrast of these two pairs of shoes and what they symbolize for my daughter. Soccer cleats – black, hard, muddy. These shoes require Maria to run, be fast, aggressive and tough. She has to get dirty, wet, cold and she has to work with a team. She practices everyday, honing her skills and learning her position. When I pick her up she’s dirty and sweaty, her cheeks flushed from the cold and exertion.
Today she will go directly from soccer to ballet. Muddy cleats and heavy soccer socks will be replaced with tights and toe shoes. Satin ribbons will tie around her ankles where shin guards had just been. Balance, grace, and beauty will take over – a different kind of strength, a different kind of exertion. It makes me cry to watch my daughter dance. Her emerging womanhood is evident in the loveliness of her movements. Her self-discipline and strength shine in her eyes. She is all feminine grace and beauty, enhanced with strength and self-confidence that comes from years of disciplined practice.
Watching my daughter play soccer is wonderful too. She is so fast! She throws herself into the game and plays hard, whether it’s sunny or raining on the field. Her speed and agility amaze me. She’s not afraid to get dirty and be tough, and she negotiates the middle school politics of friendship with her teammates with wisdom beyond her years.
I can’t help but think of how Maria is truly becoming a 21st century woman. She is neither confined by her femininity, nor must she deny it in order to embrace the opportunities before her. She is beauty and strength. She is toughness and grace. She stands on her own and she works in a team. She is ballet pink and soccer black. The world is open to her in ways that it has not been for young women in all the history of the world.
In spite of all the progress that women have made in recent decades, I still find myself surrounded by strong anti-feminist messages. Little girls who are clad only in pink. Women who identify themselves as sexual objects and servants of men. Women who are still intimidated to fully express themselves as equals in the presence of men. Men and women who prefer to have women rule the kitchen and nursery, while men rule the boardroom and the pulpit – not based on gifts or skills or interests, but on gender alone. My prayer for my daughter is that she will always wear both cleats and toe shoes, that she will take gritty toughness and artful grace into every endeavor. I know she will make the world a better place.
Today she will go directly from soccer to ballet. Muddy cleats and heavy soccer socks will be replaced with tights and toe shoes. Satin ribbons will tie around her ankles where shin guards had just been. Balance, grace, and beauty will take over – a different kind of strength, a different kind of exertion. It makes me cry to watch my daughter dance. Her emerging womanhood is evident in the loveliness of her movements. Her self-discipline and strength shine in her eyes. She is all feminine grace and beauty, enhanced with strength and self-confidence that comes from years of disciplined practice.
Watching my daughter play soccer is wonderful too. She is so fast! She throws herself into the game and plays hard, whether it’s sunny or raining on the field. Her speed and agility amaze me. She’s not afraid to get dirty and be tough, and she negotiates the middle school politics of friendship with her teammates with wisdom beyond her years.
I can’t help but think of how Maria is truly becoming a 21st century woman. She is neither confined by her femininity, nor must she deny it in order to embrace the opportunities before her. She is beauty and strength. She is toughness and grace. She stands on her own and she works in a team. She is ballet pink and soccer black. The world is open to her in ways that it has not been for young women in all the history of the world.
In spite of all the progress that women have made in recent decades, I still find myself surrounded by strong anti-feminist messages. Little girls who are clad only in pink. Women who identify themselves as sexual objects and servants of men. Women who are still intimidated to fully express themselves as equals in the presence of men. Men and women who prefer to have women rule the kitchen and nursery, while men rule the boardroom and the pulpit – not based on gifts or skills or interests, but on gender alone. My prayer for my daughter is that she will always wear both cleats and toe shoes, that she will take gritty toughness and artful grace into every endeavor. I know she will make the world a better place.
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